Naval Stores have no connection with Naval Patrols, Naval Tailors, or Naval Pensioners (unless they have signed for them). Similarly, they have nothing to do with the RAF, Army, Milan football team or commercial television.
Besides Naval stores are Air Stores, which differ from Naval Stores but are very much the same but twice as difficult.

All stores have pattern numbers. This is to aid the the Stores Ratings who are either colour blind or couldn’t pass ET1. Pattern numbers are easily identified; for example divide your ships laundry number by 3 and multiply by 6 and the result is a pattern number. This is interesting as it may turn out a galvanized bucket or a drum of green paint.

In overall command is the Director of Stores. He is “el supreme” and sits at a desk in Admiralty, he is the “king pin” and Flag lieutenants spit and polish his boots each day. His main job is to send undesirable signals to undesirable people. His potentialities are vastly underestimated and his wife doesn’t understand him.

Commander (S)’s wear National Health spectacles and worried frowns. Their main job is squaring off Wardroom Wine accounts and umpiring cricket matches.

Supply Officers are occupational hazards. They are allergic to Rounds, Rum and Razzes. They like Fred Quimby cartoons and unsolved mysteries.

Stores Chiefs have three buttons on their arm and a new car every year. They die young through aggravated guilt complexes or chronic alcholoism.

A Stores PO is “G” at sea and “RA” in harbour. He is treasurer of the mess Beer Account and can play a musical instrument (mainly the one stringed fiddle).

Further down the social scale are SA’s & LSA’s. Ninety seven percent wanted to be Bunting tossers. Sometimes they are called “Jack Dusty’s” but more often they are called something else.

The first “Jack Dusty” was on a galleon. He spent most of his time falling down hatches and getting covered in axle grease and pussers flour. Usually he is seasick, so his messmates re-named him “Dusty” and fed him on raw meat. Nowadays he is covered in “flannel” and is frequently P7R.
In summarizing; LSA’s who publish articles such as this have been known to be recommended for continual service in submarines or Fishery Protection duties but this could prove good experience for civilian life……..have you heard of an underwater Fish & Chip Shop ?

Goodbye to the Supply Branch  (dated 26.02.04)

Say hello to the LO – because the Royal Navy Supply Branch is now known as the Logistics Branch, bringing the Logistics Officer (LO) into being.

The move, announced by Second Sea Lord Vice Admiral James Burnell-Nugent and put into effect from the beginning of this month, is part of the Navy Board’s Personnel Change Programme, which seeks to maximise efficiency. Wots he on about 'maximise efficiency', we wont "Store Ship" any quicker, we had all the other departments to do that for us????? and it wont stop the canteen manager to still lose a couple of cases of beer during the process?

Myself being a ex "Jackdusty" Petty Officer Stores Accountant (POSA) I would now presumably become a Petty Officer Logistics Overseer ?? or in other words a POLO. A SA becomes possibly LO the O no doubt for Operator a LSA becomes LLO, hello! hello! A better title I would have thought for the Regulating Branch, or have they now got a new name!

Obviously this has been thought up by another of those shiny arsed bureaucrats who doesn't have a workload. It's only taken this fool 22 years to realise that the Supply Department really got into using the term logistics during the Falklands War.

The poor old Gunners got there new title a few years back- Missileman-obviously with the thought of bringing back stone throwing! And what about all those other departments with 'flash' names.

Maybe I am still living in the good old days, but at least I knew by the persons title exactly what he did. By the way what exactly did a 'Tiffy' do, you know, those non B13 personnel? Just as much as me probably if I could have got away with it! No offence meant to the young ‘tiffs’, at least you done some watches unlike us ‘all night in Jackdusty’s’!!!

If you can think of any good names that should apply to the various ‘Branches’ please feel free to submit, maybe you could still win the ‘Herbert Lott Award’? or has that got a new name “Think of something useless Award”